Old Post: Death of a Loyal Friend

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Here's an old post back in August 2006. It was the day my dog, Whitie, died from old age.

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August 21st, 2006
DEATH OF A LOYAL FRIEND
Posted by lunastark at 10:48 pm on August 21st, 2006.

My dog died early this morning.

I know I shouldn't be crying because it's probably her time.

But I can't stop the tears from falling.

I know death is only natural, and that I'm actually crying for myself since she's no longer around.

But I can't help but be lonely without her.

I know I'll get over it soon.

But I want to think and cry over my friend, even just for today.

I was in a hurry this morning. I planned to visit her tonight. Since I have so much schoolwork, I had less and less time to spend quality time with her.

I never expected that she would die today...

I never even got to say goodbye...

It just happened.

Now I'm feeling the same way I lost my grandfather, though the one I lost forever was my pet. She's like my old friend and baby at the same time.

I was so shocked that I wasn't able to say anything.

Whitie has always been there during those times when I needed her the most. She was the only one who listened to me patiently, who cuddled with me...who comforted me when I feel like crying....and I couldn't turn to anyone else....Whitie took care of me.

But...

I...I...wasn't there during her last breath, when she needed me the most, just because of some school requirement.

I've showed her I love her many times but I never got to show her how much I loved her at the crucial moment....not even one last hug.

I wasn't even there when she died.

It makes me want to hate myself even more. But there's no use doing that....I think she'd probably look me in the eye like she usually did, cuddle my leg and position herself so I could hug her.

People would probably say I could get a new one...it's true...but the memories of my special friend will always be here in my heart.

I'll get over this...I'm only crying because she's no longer with me...so I'm really just crying out of self-pity....so I know, it'll be okay...I wish I had a shoulder to cry on though, no one seems to be around...it's difficult to cry alone in the middle of a public internet cafe where the attendants are already staring at me...Louie doesn't seem to have his cellphone on...Jem's probably at school...Max is probably somewhere doing some projects ...Whitie's gone....WHITIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sniff*

This is my little memento-letter for one of the best friends I've ever had. I'm sorry tis was all I could do Whitie....I love you...my pet, my baby, my friend...Whitie, may you find happiness in doggy heaven. You don't know how much I appreciated those times when you helped me go through a lot of adversities. You were my most loyal friend who stayed by me for 11 years. I'll never forget that day when you were still a puppy and I started fussing over you. Then, my grandfather bought you for me because I wanted you so much...those times you were sick and got me so worried I stayed by you all night...those times I taught you to shake and to dance....that time we wrestled in the sale because you ran around my Lola's sala, when I hug you whenever I cried and you just kept on keeping me company....those good times.... I'M GOING TO MISS YOU!! Good dog, Whitie...good dog.

I just remembered I forgot to eat breakfast. But I'm not hungry....

I'll have her picture scanned one of these days so I could post it here...when I'm feeling happier....I need a friend right now...Where's everbody?

*bursts into tears*

Love Yourself as a Woman, Woman!

I've decided to copy selected entries from my main blog and transfer a few of them here in my all-new blogger account. So any entry with the label "old post" means it's been copied from my old journal.

Help yourselves, people.

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Love Yourself for Yourself, Woman!

I've been browsing around for articles about Mother Teresa. I don't know. I just felt like it because I want to remind myself of the important perspective on women... and share it to whoever's reading it (despite disagreements):


God told us, "Love your neighbor as yourself." So first I am to love myself rightly, and then to love my neighbor like that. But how can I love myself unless I accept myself as God has made me? Those who deny the beautiful differences between men and women are not accepting themselves as God has made them, and so cannot love the neighbor. They will only bring division, unhappiness, and destruction of peace to the world. (Mother Teresa, Snippet of Message to Fourth UN Women's Conference)

I remember mentioning to my boyfriend "Iba kasi treatment sa aming mga babae eh. Alam mo na, sobrang daming biases at expectations na dapat ganito kami...ganyan kami. Daming critics. Pati kapwa babae nanghuhusga na ng kapwa babae. Ang hirap talaga. Nakakainis." I think my little speech was an end in itself. It won't help me improve as a woman at all. I believe my heart was trying to tell me while that little speech spilled from my mouth: "So what?"

I think I've done my part in accepting the dfferences between men and women....what i need to do now is step two: to love these differences.

I am unique. You are unique. We are all unique. I love myself. You should love yourself. We should love ourselves for who we are. IF you don't, then start doing it now. The problem with "impossible dreams" is that it remains a dream...we never start making it come true.

I have always been babbling about physical judgement of other people. I don't look anything like the actresses in television. I am beautiful as I am. They are beautiful as they are. Society may have the power to dictate which people look more beautiful than others...and it can only tap our feelings towards our own beauty but can never control it. If we love ourselves for how we look, we can still feel beautiful...and thus, be beautiful.

Take for example, these women wanting to change themselves in plastic surgery to feel better about themselves. These women may find themselves physically beautiful...but are they truly, really happy? They may say they are happy...but why are they happy? Because they finally feel sexy? That others pay attention to them? As long as they live principle-centered lives, live acording to their values, love their selves AND love others...only then can plastic surgery be morally helpful to these women. Impossible? Nah.

I believe these women still have the potential to truly love themselves.

They just need to make that crucial choice of looking beyond their physique.

I am not against plastic surgery. If it may help them, then maybe it's for their own good....but they should know that changes will happen inside of them once they do. They should not feel better about themselves just because they look better. They should watch out that feeling better about themselves in that way is superficial. It is only temporary. Sooner or later, the inner life after surgery will come in...they should be ready for that.

I have never gone to surgery...but I've been thinking about getting rid of my eyebags. My reason? To prevent others from judging me rashly because of them; it's annoying. As early as now, I am preparing emotionally...I am still considering. Ah well, who knows what I'll decide in ten years or so?

As for now...I believe my answer lies in this quote:

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, People may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, They may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway. (Mother Teresa )


Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it. (Mother Teresa of Calcutta)

If want to do this...I should just do it.

Thus, I am cutting this blog entry short.

May all of you be happy. God loves you. We just need to look beyond the silence.

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