SPANK THE MONKEY
Spank the monkey and see if you can make it fly more than 200 miles! :P
3-CUP
Possibly the world's hardest "easy" puzzle. So it says.
BOWMAN
I had a great time with this one. Instead of the usual bull's eye, you'll have to target your enemy. The one who draws greater blood from his opponent, wins! :D Heehee.
LIL' JOHNNY'S AQUARIUM
The little rascal's teacher and fellow third grade students need your help. On a field trip, Johnny decided to take a dip in the aquarium. Unfortunately, he chose the piranha pool! Help him evade the carnivorous fish! :D Very graphic, you're gonna love it. XD
INVISIBLE MOUSE
Guide your invisible cursor to the finish button. :D The key to win this game is to use your imagination.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Deadlines Galore
Since I've been sleeping 2 am at most for the past few days due to a certain deadline, I decided to take my breaks at 10:30 pm (so I could watch the Fairly Odd Parents) and 12:am (to watch Jigoku Shoujo).
I think we all know what happens when watching the Fairly Odd Parents (enter laugh spree here).
At the beginning, I was a bit disappointed with Jigoku Shoujo. I had the impression it was an anime belonging to the Horror Genre, in which I'm a huge fan of, but the storyline turned out to be more of a psychological thriller. I avoided the show months ago and decided to give it a try this month.
I ended up liking it after all.
The girl you see above is the star of the anime, a Rei Ayanami type of character named Ai. Like many tragic figures, she's the epitome of mystery and misery whose sob story will be revealed later on in the series. Being chased by an obsessed writer-zealot, she doesn't seem to be concerned about being exposed. She's there to help some lost sheep get their revenge; she does this after the said person visits her website and requests for vengeance.
The whole anime seems to be playing with the idea of revenge and cowardice, human weaknesses we're supposed to be ashamed of and would cause us to disintegrate in guilt. But we seek to hit fire with fire, give an eye for an eye; it's hard to distinguish who's the real victim, especially in episodes when there appears to be a bitch fight. Watching such episodes could be frustrating, and you'll end up wondering why Ai didn't just give her client a shotgun instead ---- that person will end up in hell anyway. I concluded Ai desired this method to teach the person who requested her bizarre services the valuable lesson of karma.
My friends got intrigued by the concept of the anime, and some even mentioned it would be "nice" to have such a website. They turned to me and asked if I had a grudge on someone. "Who doesn't?"
They got excited. "What would you type in that website if ever?"
"None. I don't like holding on to grudges."
"Come on! That's impossible! You can't have a grudge and not hold on to it," one of them pointed out.
"Absolutely not true." I proceeded to explain that I prefer dealing with the bozo rather than keep the grudge to myself. Just because I don't like holding on to grudges doesn't mean it doesn't occur to me every now and then. I either don't let it bother me or I act on it until I'm satisfied and the grudge goes away.
"What do you do when somebody's making your life miserable and you feel the urge to take revenge?" my friend challenged.
"Either I tell that person how much of a dipshit she/he is or tug some strings here and there. Depends on the situation." I answered without batting an eye. Crossing my arms, I leaned back against my seat. "I'm perfectly capable of delivering my own vengeance. I've got my ways. I don't need a website like that." I chuckled. "Besides, this world's hell enough for me, so the idea of going straight to hell isn't that scary. What's the difference?"
"Well, you have a point." Another friend said thoughtfully. "Maybe it works for you. But I'm not exactly the confrontational type, you know?"
...and this is exactly why Jigoku Shoujo is appealing to some viewers. There was one episode I liked, the one about the veterinarian mistreating a young girl's dog because he prioritized keeping his connection to a politician. I cried my eyes out for the poor dog, and I could relate well with the girl's feelings. I didn't see the tears and drama coming. At first glance, the girl's situation seemed impossible because she's dealing with powerful people and so turning to Ai was her last resort. What she didn't know is she still had another option: when all hope seems lost in animal cruelty cases, she could always turn to PETA. (Although I'm not a PETA supporter, I have to admire their guts.)
Let's see if the doctor won't have a difficult time. The doctor would wish he was sent straight to hell. Haha!
Yesterday I saw the episode wherein this girl named Minami was lulled by her two-faced friend, Shiori, into pulling the red string meant for her in the first place. Shiori got rejected by her new set of friends; the same thing she did with Minami. I understand Minami, because I shared the same naivete when I was in high school. A girl from another class befriended me because she wanted to borrow money from me; like an idiot, I loaned her a huge amount of money. She was using me all that time. She never paid me back. I let her get away with her loans and abandoned her.
Let's call her, Tin.
We met again after a few years, ironically, during a Christian Bible Study. (I'm Catholic but I like interacting with born-agains.) That day, I brought along a friend (let's call her JL). It was the time when I had an MU-like relationship with this Korean guy, Shin, who happened to be in the same organization.
I was shocked when I saw Tin, but I controlled my reflexes and decided to be civil with her. Tin kept on butting in my conversation with JL (who threw her dirty looks).
Tin kept on asking me personal questions. it would have been better if her questions were substantial, but she was like, "Why don't you have a boyfriend until now?" "Why don't you talk to your Dad?" (see previous posts for the long story)
My friend was already gritting her teeth, knowing all too well Tin was purposely being rude. I sent her a reassuring grin, conveying to her I could handle the bitch.
Dinner time came, and upon learning from other member sof the organization I had this special relationship with Shin, she began flirting with him. I think she did it to spite me; but unknown to her, I was enjoying the disgusted look on Shin's face. I never knew his eyes could get any smaller than it already was. His expression said it all.
When Tin realized I wasn't buying her scheme, she started a conversation with JL. I let them be.
Minutes later, I saw Tin coming inside with JL. JL grabbed my hand and dragged me outside.
"Okay. What's your relationship with her?" JL demanded, tapping her foot impatiently on the darkened grass.
"Why? What's the problem," I asked, knowing what's coming.
"Your friend. She's the problem!" she ranted, "I don't like her. I only talked to her because I thought she was your friend!"
"Friend? You've got to be kidding. She's no friend of mine. That girl owes me a lot of money back in high school." I explained. "She also used me so she could extort money from me."
"What?! Why didn't you tell me sooner?!"
"Well, I thought she must've changed through the years." I chuckled and smiled apologetically. "But I guess she didn't."
"Hell she didn't," JL muttered. "Do you know what she did? She was trying to win my trust, showering me with pretentious compliments just because I act & model part-time in ABS-CBN. I could see right through her. She even told me about your violence in high school. As if that's new to me! What does she expect?"
I tried not to laugh. "Poor girl."
"Yeah. She's also a fibber. She didn't know I was moving the conversation around so I could catch her lies." And JL continued her story.
I listened.
"Don't worry, JL. If she tried anything, I'm no longer the gullible person she knew." I told my friend. "You know me."
She sighed. "Yeah. Go show her! You're not called an amazon by our guys for no reason!"
"Hey!"
Assholes Can't Get Any Worse
9:00 am.
I was half-dazed, slowly coming out of dreamland, when my peaceful wakefulness was disturbed by the sound of the telephone going ballistic on the other side of my bedroom door. No normal person would have known the phone was meant for them; but since the genetic composition of my brain isn't exactly normal, the strings of foresight tugged on my snoozing psyche.
The phone was for me.
Being too lazy to get out of bed, I flung my blanket aside and rolled until my whole body faced the ceiling; all this with my eyes still closed. I wanted to sleep some more. Just give me 5 more minutes....
The ringing stopped.
"ATEEEEEEEEE! PHOOOOOOOOOOONE!"
My brother hollered and mashed on my door. "SI SEEEEEEEEEEID!!!"
The mention of his name jump-started my system, although my vision and motor skills seemed to be taking their time to function. I staggered and reached for the doorknob, turning it clumsily the way a drunk person would. I jerked it open and walked slowly towards the phone in zigzags.
"Hello?" I yawned.
"Hi Baby..." I could hear his voice from the other line. Smiling to myself, I couldn't help but think how much I loved hearing it every morning. He asked if I was still sleepy, because he'd let me sleep first.
It was then I noticed the emptiness in his tone.
All these years we've been together, I've become more talented in sensing my hunny's feelings just by the way he spoke. This morning it was sullen, as if the the usual fire had gone out.
Something was definitely wrong.
"No, I'm fine," I said firmly, vigorously battling the sleep off my eyes. My girlfriend sensors were going off. "Okay. Tell me, hun. What's wrong?"
And so he vented out.
As I listened to his story, I felt the hatred rise up my throat. I've known he was temporarily promoted as floor lead where he worked; and last night, he decided to do something about the lazy dipshits in the office. So he, along with some team managers, held a meeting about the performance of these office delinquents.
My hunny brought up the issue about a certaindickhead dumbass lazy employee who refused to make himself useful inside the office while the rest of the team worked their asses off to earn a living.
I have nothing against people of age in the office; in fact, I respect them as I see fit depending on the corporate hierarchy. But at the age of 39, I would have expected him to act accordingly and be more mature than to threaten my hunny with, "Kung hindi mo ayusin itong problema ko dahil nilaglag mo ko, bubugbugin kita. Hihintayin kita sa baba." (If you don't fix my problem because you tattletaled on me, I'll wait for you downstairs. I'll beat the crap out of you.)
Since this guy looked what would have been the offspring of an accumulated dung pile and fat bastard from Austin Powers, my hunny won't stand a chance if thatshithead maladaptive individual ever does resort to physical violence.
I would have guessed by now Mr. Dick Fat Bastard's old enough to solve his own problems, but I guess he wouldn't be at the bottom of the corporate ladder if he knew how.
Real mature, you poor son of a bitch.
Sure I have no idea what kind of person thismotherfucker man really is or how fucked up his life is. Sure his reacting that way may have been motivated by his desire to hide his insecurities and lack of self-esteem. Sure him threatening my hunny is a common situation permanently unresolved because majority of the population are malignant cowards. But work is work; if he refuses to get his ass moving on the job, he deserves to be an object of pity.
I could see it now.
"80-YEAR OLD DIPSHIT FOUND DEAD SLEEPING IN OFFICE"
He'll be the talk of the company, the center of attention, the belle of the ball; a few weeks later, people would forget he ever existed. The HR Department would have to live with the guilt of ever accepting him. His batch would have resigned by then and moved on to further their career, and the new employees would utter in confusion, "80-year old dipshit who?" Sad. Very sad.
Hearing my hunny release his emotions and frustration over the phone was heart-breaking, seeing as I could only console him all the way from the other side of the city. I wanted to give him a comforting embrace, an empathic smile and tell him no matter what happens, I'll be there for him.
Minutes later, when he had vented out everything, his chuckle alleviated the heaviness boggling inside me.
I was relieved and worried at the same time. I've always been protective of my loved ones, and this very characteristic strengthened my immunity to physical and emotional pain. What would happen? Would Mr. Dick Fat Bastard actually beat the pants off my hunny? ("I want to start body-building. I want to be strong" my hun said.)
The sinister thoughts began, and in a few minutes of assessing the situation, I've plotted two types of contrivance: one to deal with the consequences and the other to make him suffer a little. Say for example, researching on his love-life history, recording his perverted statements on media standards women, gather evidence on him flirting with an officemate or surfing for porn during office hours, and then sending a certain anonymous package to his wife. (No hard feelings, buddy. Think of it as an early exchange gift; let it be Christmas everyday as they say.)
Nobody has the right to make my hunny burst like that except me and a flock of onions.
The latter plan resorting to vengeance is being put on hold though, because as of the moment I trust my hunny's abilities to resolve the situation on his own. (Besides, who knows? I'd rather not act by impulse.) My hun just needed someone to listen, someone to tell him he's not alone, and of course, someone who would suggest what he could do.
In a crude effort to scare my hunny, thefucktard wise guy even warned my hunny:
"Hindi mo alam ano kaya ko." (You don't know what I'm capable of.)
Surprise surprise! Guess what, dumbass. I think you and I know what you're capable of, and that's being a first class asshole. I don't think it can get any worse than that. :P
I said bitterly to my hun that the guy must have been a fucking idiot.
"No. He's very intelligent according to my boss. He just doesn't try to achieve what he's really capable of," my hunny replied, trying to be objective. I was in no mood to be objective, the same way Scrooge Mcduck would feel giving money away to charities --- so I did the opposite.
"If that mummy's so smart, what's he doing there in an unstable job at his age? At least you guys could use the experience, but him? I don't think so. But if you're talking about his intelligence of being a first-rate asshole, then I agree with you."
I'd understand if a self-proclaimed failure or lazy bum fails; but when an intelligent braggart fails, lacking the ambition God gave a parasite, that's just sad. I like to joke that God was so busy molding him a perfect brain, he forgot to give him the basic ability to use it. This guy actually being capable of something is no more ridiculous than money growing on trees.
Anyway...
Bullies will always be there, and will continue to exist, all the way to your grave. It's your choice whether to fight (in whatever ways you please, including stooping to his/her level) or take flight. I encouraged my hunny to fight by dealing with the problem as effectively as he could, remaining grounded on his beliefs, and doing what he believes would be best for the company.
I was half-dazed, slowly coming out of dreamland, when my peaceful wakefulness was disturbed by the sound of the telephone going ballistic on the other side of my bedroom door. No normal person would have known the phone was meant for them; but since the genetic composition of my brain isn't exactly normal, the strings of foresight tugged on my snoozing psyche.
The phone was for me.
Being too lazy to get out of bed, I flung my blanket aside and rolled until my whole body faced the ceiling; all this with my eyes still closed. I wanted to sleep some more. Just give me 5 more minutes....
The ringing stopped.
"ATEEEEEEEEE! PHOOOOOOOOOOONE!"
My brother hollered and mashed on my door. "SI SEEEEEEEEEEID!!!"
The mention of his name jump-started my system, although my vision and motor skills seemed to be taking their time to function. I staggered and reached for the doorknob, turning it clumsily the way a drunk person would. I jerked it open and walked slowly towards the phone in zigzags.
"Hello?" I yawned.
"Hi Baby..." I could hear his voice from the other line. Smiling to myself, I couldn't help but think how much I loved hearing it every morning. He asked if I was still sleepy, because he'd let me sleep first.
It was then I noticed the emptiness in his tone.
All these years we've been together, I've become more talented in sensing my hunny's feelings just by the way he spoke. This morning it was sullen, as if the the usual fire had gone out.
Something was definitely wrong.
"No, I'm fine," I said firmly, vigorously battling the sleep off my eyes. My girlfriend sensors were going off. "Okay. Tell me, hun. What's wrong?"
And so he vented out.
As I listened to his story, I felt the hatred rise up my throat. I've known he was temporarily promoted as floor lead where he worked; and last night, he decided to do something about the lazy dipshits in the office. So he, along with some team managers, held a meeting about the performance of these office delinquents.
My hunny brought up the issue about a certain
I have nothing against people of age in the office; in fact, I respect them as I see fit depending on the corporate hierarchy. But at the age of 39, I would have expected him to act accordingly and be more mature than to threaten my hunny with, "Kung hindi mo ayusin itong problema ko dahil nilaglag mo ko, bubugbugin kita. Hihintayin kita sa baba." (If you don't fix my problem because you tattletaled on me, I'll wait for you downstairs. I'll beat the crap out of you.)
Since this guy looked what would have been the offspring of an accumulated dung pile and fat bastard from Austin Powers, my hunny won't stand a chance if that
I would have guessed by now Mr. Dick Fat Bastard's old enough to solve his own problems, but I guess he wouldn't be at the bottom of the corporate ladder if he knew how.
Real mature, you poor son of a bitch.
Sure I have no idea what kind of person this
I could see it now.
"80-YEAR OLD DIPSHIT FOUND DEAD SLEEPING IN OFFICE"
He'll be the talk of the company, the center of attention, the belle of the ball; a few weeks later, people would forget he ever existed. The HR Department would have to live with the guilt of ever accepting him. His batch would have resigned by then and moved on to further their career, and the new employees would utter in confusion, "80-year old dipshit who?" Sad. Very sad.
Hearing my hunny release his emotions and frustration over the phone was heart-breaking, seeing as I could only console him all the way from the other side of the city. I wanted to give him a comforting embrace, an empathic smile and tell him no matter what happens, I'll be there for him.
Minutes later, when he had vented out everything, his chuckle alleviated the heaviness boggling inside me.
I was relieved and worried at the same time. I've always been protective of my loved ones, and this very characteristic strengthened my immunity to physical and emotional pain. What would happen? Would Mr. Dick Fat Bastard actually beat the pants off my hunny? ("I want to start body-building. I want to be strong" my hun said.)
The sinister thoughts began, and in a few minutes of assessing the situation, I've plotted two types of contrivance: one to deal with the consequences and the other to make him suffer a little. Say for example, researching on his love-life history, recording his perverted statements on media standards women, gather evidence on him flirting with an officemate or surfing for porn during office hours, and then sending a certain anonymous package to his wife. (No hard feelings, buddy. Think of it as an early exchange gift; let it be Christmas everyday as they say.)
Nobody has the right to make my hunny burst like that except me and a flock of onions.
The latter plan resorting to vengeance is being put on hold though, because as of the moment I trust my hunny's abilities to resolve the situation on his own. (Besides, who knows? I'd rather not act by impulse.) My hun just needed someone to listen, someone to tell him he's not alone, and of course, someone who would suggest what he could do.
In a crude effort to scare my hunny, the
"Hindi mo alam ano kaya ko." (You don't know what I'm capable of.)
Surprise surprise! Guess what, dumbass. I think you and I know what you're capable of, and that's being a first class asshole. I don't think it can get any worse than that. :P
I said bitterly to my hun that the guy must have been a fucking idiot.
"No. He's very intelligent according to my boss. He just doesn't try to achieve what he's really capable of," my hunny replied, trying to be objective. I was in no mood to be objective, the same way Scrooge Mcduck would feel giving money away to charities --- so I did the opposite.
"If that mummy's so smart, what's he doing there in an unstable job at his age? At least you guys could use the experience, but him? I don't think so. But if you're talking about his intelligence of being a first-rate asshole, then I agree with you."
I'd understand if a self-proclaimed failure or lazy bum fails; but when an intelligent braggart fails, lacking the ambition God gave a parasite, that's just sad. I like to joke that God was so busy molding him a perfect brain, he forgot to give him the basic ability to use it. This guy actually being capable of something is no more ridiculous than money growing on trees.
Anyway...
Bullies will always be there, and will continue to exist, all the way to your grave. It's your choice whether to fight (in whatever ways you please, including stooping to his/her level) or take flight. I encouraged my hunny to fight by dealing with the problem as effectively as he could, remaining grounded on his beliefs, and doing what he believes would be best for the company.
Persona's Theme Song (Sung by Ruka's Bunny)
*snickers madly*
Click the link below for the yummy flash video.
EVERYONE ELSE HAS HAD MORE SEX THAN ME
By Bernard Derriman
WE LOVE YOU PERSONA!!!!!!
Monday, May 28, 2007
Flash Animation Games I
DOLPHIN DASH
Collect as much coins as you can. Don't forget the power pills! :D
SAVE THEM GOLDFISH
Your roommate begins his onslaught slaughter of animal cruelty by grabbing a goldfish from a fishbowl and tossing him into a hot skillet. It's upto you to save your goldfishes before they become so hot he's cooked to a crisp!
SAVE THE SHEEP
Sheep is falling down the sky!
MAGNETISM
Up for a challenge? This is a cool thinking and skill-based game, made for the geek in you.
MORE MINDLESS VIOLENCE
Feeling violent? If you like shooting games, wait 'til you see the bugs explode. Personally, I love using the M3 Super 90 Machine Gun and the P-90 Sub Machine Gun.
AURGGH! THE MOON IS TRYING TO RUN OVER ME!
Warm up your fingers and play this game. My favorite part is when the moon catches up to you. Heehee!
PISS OFF
Another thing dicks do when bored.
UNICYCLE
Family computer, here we come!
FISH
It's a jungle out there. Grow up to be the biggest fish you could be.
BLOODY PINGU
Gotta love the blood.
DEFEND YOUR CASTLE
Worked up a sweat on this one. The stick people will get annoying eventually, and you'll love hoisting them up into the air and watching them turn into a massive pool of blood.
NANACA CRASH
One of my favorites. XD
Why Eggs are Good For You!
Let's all love eggs people! Sing along~
Until now I'm wondering why the baby didn't eat the egg in the end. LOL
THE EGG SONG
By: I Love Egg
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Egg Song Lyrics
Eggs, get your eggs here!
Fresh and white eggs are here!!!
Wiggle jiggle,
yellow middle,
that's the best of what you are. (I love you egg!)
White and tender,
surround the center,
cozy sitting in a crackling shell. (I love you!)
Vitamins and minerals in you.
Oodles of the proteins, too! (Oodle doodle!)
Popular and perfect and
so complete in every way!
I love you eggs eggs!
Come into my tummy,
oh so very yummy.
Crack, crack, crack!
Chipa chipa away your shell and come to me! (Get your eggs! )
I love you! Fresh Eggs!
I love you! White eggs!
Really really love you so! (Eggs fresh white eggs.)
Eggs I really love you like the sky~ above! (Eggs are the best!)
I love you! (Fresh eggs!)
I love you! (White eggs!)
Really really love you so! (Eggs freshwhite eggs!)
365 days I really love you so! I really love you so! (Mmm! Yummy!)
Duck, Duck, Llama! (Badger!)
Click the link below for the Llama Song. XD
THE LLAMA SONG
By Burton Earny
I was laughing all the way to the bathroom wwith the song below.
The Badger Song
By: Brusi
Saturday, May 26, 2007
First Ever Photoshoot
Due to an important photoshoot, fanfiction updates have been postponed to only-God-knows-when.
It was a successful project for the organization a good friend of mine founded. Probably the first ever photoshoot for our portfolio, the domineering air of creativity and imagination from each member apparently enveloped Sei's home. Amid a clutter of garments, shoes, and accessories piled atop each other all over the living room, not to mention the dicovery of Yaoimegami-sama's talent to find gorgeous clothes in the most unlikely places (Gosh Yaoimegami-sama's! You have GOT to come along and help me find those bargains you've found!), the group managed to come up with the desired shots. It was a pleasing, amusing, and fulfilling experience. :)
------------------------------------------------
Favorite Wrong Word Blooper
------------------------------------------------
"I want to do you now!" (Yaoi Megami-sama)
------------------------------------------------
I'm looking forward to the next puto-shoot girls! I'll see if I can keep it open. I'll definitely inform you about my schedule beforehand. :D
Tsuzuku....(gotta get outta the house first)
It was a successful project for the organization a good friend of mine founded. Probably the first ever photoshoot for our portfolio, the domineering air of creativity and imagination from each member apparently enveloped Sei's home. Amid a clutter of garments, shoes, and accessories piled atop each other all over the living room, not to mention the dicovery of Yaoimegami-sama's talent to find gorgeous clothes in the most unlikely places (Gosh Yaoimegami-sama's! You have GOT to come along and help me find those bargains you've found!), the group managed to come up with the desired shots. It was a pleasing, amusing, and fulfilling experience. :)
------------------------------------------------
Favorite Wrong Word Blooper
------------------------------------------------
"I want to do you now!" (Yaoi Megami-sama)
------------------------------------------------
I'm looking forward to the next puto-shoot girls! I'll see if I can keep it open. I'll definitely inform you about my schedule beforehand. :D
Tsuzuku....(gotta get outta the house first)
Monday, May 14, 2007
URGENT: KITTENS FOR FOSTER CARE
The first time I heard of the Philippine Animal Welfare Society (PAWS) was December of last year, when they started campaigning against a Dolphin Show beside SM Mall of Asia. I saw a flyer about their campaign in the community board in our village's Mini-stop branch. I took down their contact numbers and visited their website. I told my friends about the campaign who willfully spread the word (good job guys!) joined the picket rally and printed out flyers to be handed out to the present and would-be dolphin show customers.
My life took a sharp turn from there, and for the better I tell you.
Dolphins are among my favorite marine animals (besides their nemesis, the sharks). Being an avid fan of dolphins since elementary, I've kept myself updated with news on dolphin abuse and slaughter all over the world, special thanks to the ever-so-convenient internet.
Months later, after struggling to finally finish my thesis, I saw Sherwin's, blog while browsing through the web:
Me Find Home, a place where he writes about the dogs and cats up for adoption in the PAWS Rehabilitation Center.
The PAWS rehabilitation Center is in dire need of volunteers willing to foster care kittens round the clock in order to increase their probability of survival. It's a heart-breaking scene, that day I saw the thirty-plus homeless kittens thriving with so much life yet are deprived of the wonders of the world because they are confined inside the animal shelter. One of the residents also told me, that the newborn kitten I found loitering in the middle of the street susceptible to being road-killed, the one I took to PARC ignoring that my pastel pink top was already full of kitten poop, didn't survive and crossed the Rainbow Bridge a few days ago.
My heart sank when I heard the news. Before I arrived in PARC the third day I visited Mario, on my way to U.P. Diliman, I saw a kitten's remains in the middle of the road. It was horrible. Sometimes I wonder how some cat owners manage to go through the day living with the risk that their beloved cats may never come home again. I've never been a cat owner, mostly because my family dislikes cats (which I don't understand), so I probably wouldn't understand this liberal relationship.
The story of this group of kittens, urgently in need foster care, is another tragic story. Their lives hang by a thread, and it will only be a matter of time before the final judgment would take away the only hope given by the animal shelter residents.
They've got so much ahead of them, so many things to learn and do. Please don't let their little spark go out before they could truly embrace the world. They deserve to experience what true happiness is in the hands of a loving human they could call their own.
If you wish to volunteer and care for these kitties, please contact PARC at 475-1688 and look for Ms. Tin . :) You can also visit the PAWS website at http://www.paws.org.ph/ for more information. Your kindness will be greatly appreciated.
Susan is one of the recently adopted and lucky cats in the shelter. There are more cats and kittens in need of loving homes. Visit Me Find Home for more information.
My life took a sharp turn from there, and for the better I tell you.
Dolphins are among my favorite marine animals (besides their nemesis, the sharks). Being an avid fan of dolphins since elementary, I've kept myself updated with news on dolphin abuse and slaughter all over the world, special thanks to the ever-so-convenient internet.
Months later, after struggling to finally finish my thesis, I saw Sherwin's, blog while browsing through the web:
Me Find Home, a place where he writes about the dogs and cats up for adoption in the PAWS Rehabilitation Center.
The PAWS rehabilitation Center is in dire need of volunteers willing to foster care kittens round the clock in order to increase their probability of survival. It's a heart-breaking scene, that day I saw the thirty-plus homeless kittens thriving with so much life yet are deprived of the wonders of the world because they are confined inside the animal shelter. One of the residents also told me, that the newborn kitten I found loitering in the middle of the street susceptible to being road-killed, the one I took to PARC ignoring that my pastel pink top was already full of kitten poop, didn't survive and crossed the Rainbow Bridge a few days ago.
My heart sank when I heard the news. Before I arrived in PARC the third day I visited Mario, on my way to U.P. Diliman, I saw a kitten's remains in the middle of the road. It was horrible. Sometimes I wonder how some cat owners manage to go through the day living with the risk that their beloved cats may never come home again. I've never been a cat owner, mostly because my family dislikes cats (which I don't understand), so I probably wouldn't understand this liberal relationship.
The story of this group of kittens, urgently in need foster care, is another tragic story. Their lives hang by a thread, and it will only be a matter of time before the final judgment would take away the only hope given by the animal shelter residents.
They've got so much ahead of them, so many things to learn and do. Please don't let their little spark go out before they could truly embrace the world. They deserve to experience what true happiness is in the hands of a loving human they could call their own.
If you wish to volunteer and care for these kitties, please contact PARC at 475-1688 and look for Ms. Tin . :) You can also visit the PAWS website at http://www.paws.org.ph/ for more information. Your kindness will be greatly appreciated.
Susan is one of the recently adopted and lucky cats in the shelter. There are more cats and kittens in need of loving homes. Visit Me Find Home for more information.
Animal Doctor: A Dream Not Meant For Me
During my third visit to the PAWS rehabilitation Center, I presented my "Hamster Journal" to the shelter manager. The Hamster Journal is divided into two parts. The first part consists of my pet hamsters' general diet, basic information on hamster care, and other facts I've researched about these rodents. The second part is mainly a daily record of their health, activities, behavior, and home designs. I have a separate one for my dog, Doggy Black --- but I forgot to bring that one.
After browsing through my logbook, the shelter manager asked me if I planned to take up veterinary medicine.
"It's not too late," he remarked, flipping a page and looking at the measurements (cm) I made on Scratch and Kururu when they were still alive.
"Maybe," was my answer.
The question hit me hard. I really do want to take up veterinary medicine, but the problem is I had a bad experience relating to that course.
Being an animal and environmental advocate all my life, I grew up beside a veterinary clinic where I witnessed dogs and cats come in and out all day. Little did I know that my father, a former veterinarian, influenced by his female assistant, injected these animals (I admired from afar) with water ---- for the selfish reason of ---- that's right, making more money.
Sick animals were brought in and eventually died. My aunt told me one devastated owner was sensible enough to have his dog checked for a second opinion. When that particular client sued my Dad, their schemes were revealed.
I was seriously apalled when I learned about this ballyhoo years later. Now I know why he couldn't return to his profession, though my mom insisted on him pursuing it, because of his shame and his ruined reputation as an animal doctor.
As told by my aunt and mother later on, my Dad was seduced by his female assistant into using water instead of real medicines on their patients. I didn't know who to believe. But all those years I've known my Dad, I've known him as a chronic push-over (also known as a male doormat) with an aversive style of confrontation and a secret rebellious nature. I decided it was more logical that he had been influenced by someone else, because he won't instrinsically put a living creature's life on the line out of his own motive.
I remembered his assistant very well, a slim and tall young woman who I always kept my eyes on. Even when I was very young, instinct told me not to like her. She had this hostile aura when I was around, as if she was trying to hide something from me; knowing my younger self, I was never intimidated by the dirty looks she threw at me. I took her on without a second thought.
When I wasn't playing, I spent most of my time hanging out inside the clinic where I stay close to my father like a guard dog. She'd stand near my father, occassionally flirting, and I'd pretend to play with my feet by swinging them wildly with every intent to hit her. I recall my father scolded me because swinging my feet was dangerous --- so I obeyed him and stopped ---- resting my feet on top of the table across me, thus separating them. Whenever my Dad left the clinic to get something, I would swing my feet again.
I refuse to blame my Dad for not pursuing his veterinary practice; it's the mess he got himself in to that led to the demise of his veterinary career. I could just imagine the shame he went through, and the consequences of his mistake that slowly took its toll on his morals.
When I told my mother's side of the family during my senior high school year that I was considering Veterinary Medicine as a course, she reacted like I just licked my baby brother's shit off his diaper and told everybody else in our "tight-knit" family about it. Their tongues lashed out unheard of insults and criticisms faster than a bullet train. Their discouragement could match President Bush's hatred towards Iraq. Veterinarian became a dirty word in our family, and although I secretly wanted to take up that course, I eventually changed my mind to cease the negative feedbacks.
Maybe Veterinary Medicine wasn't made for someone like me, but I do as much as research as I could on my animal friends and the animals we rescue with all due respect to their natural instincts.
It may be the most I could do, but every new discovery excites me more than any material luxury.
This is Emil, a gorgeous 5-year old dog from PARC looking for a home.
Find out more about Emil in Me Find Home. Make a difference today --- adopt a dog and gain a friend. :)
After browsing through my logbook, the shelter manager asked me if I planned to take up veterinary medicine.
"It's not too late," he remarked, flipping a page and looking at the measurements (cm) I made on Scratch and Kururu when they were still alive.
"Maybe," was my answer.
The question hit me hard. I really do want to take up veterinary medicine, but the problem is I had a bad experience relating to that course.
Being an animal and environmental advocate all my life, I grew up beside a veterinary clinic where I witnessed dogs and cats come in and out all day. Little did I know that my father, a former veterinarian, influenced by his female assistant, injected these animals (I admired from afar) with water ---- for the selfish reason of ---- that's right, making more money.
Sick animals were brought in and eventually died. My aunt told me one devastated owner was sensible enough to have his dog checked for a second opinion. When that particular client sued my Dad, their schemes were revealed.
I was seriously apalled when I learned about this ballyhoo years later. Now I know why he couldn't return to his profession, though my mom insisted on him pursuing it, because of his shame and his ruined reputation as an animal doctor.
As told by my aunt and mother later on, my Dad was seduced by his female assistant into using water instead of real medicines on their patients. I didn't know who to believe. But all those years I've known my Dad, I've known him as a chronic push-over (also known as a male doormat) with an aversive style of confrontation and a secret rebellious nature. I decided it was more logical that he had been influenced by someone else, because he won't instrinsically put a living creature's life on the line out of his own motive.
I remembered his assistant very well, a slim and tall young woman who I always kept my eyes on. Even when I was very young, instinct told me not to like her. She had this hostile aura when I was around, as if she was trying to hide something from me; knowing my younger self, I was never intimidated by the dirty looks she threw at me. I took her on without a second thought.
When I wasn't playing, I spent most of my time hanging out inside the clinic where I stay close to my father like a guard dog. She'd stand near my father, occassionally flirting, and I'd pretend to play with my feet by swinging them wildly with every intent to hit her. I recall my father scolded me because swinging my feet was dangerous --- so I obeyed him and stopped ---- resting my feet on top of the table across me, thus separating them. Whenever my Dad left the clinic to get something, I would swing my feet again.
I refuse to blame my Dad for not pursuing his veterinary practice; it's the mess he got himself in to that led to the demise of his veterinary career. I could just imagine the shame he went through, and the consequences of his mistake that slowly took its toll on his morals.
When I told my mother's side of the family during my senior high school year that I was considering Veterinary Medicine as a course, she reacted like I just licked my baby brother's shit off his diaper and told everybody else in our "tight-knit" family about it. Their tongues lashed out unheard of insults and criticisms faster than a bullet train. Their discouragement could match President Bush's hatred towards Iraq. Veterinarian became a dirty word in our family, and although I secretly wanted to take up that course, I eventually changed my mind to cease the negative feedbacks.
Maybe Veterinary Medicine wasn't made for someone like me, but I do as much as research as I could on my animal friends and the animals we rescue with all due respect to their natural instincts.
It may be the most I could do, but every new discovery excites me more than any material luxury.
This is Emil, a gorgeous 5-year old dog from PARC looking for a home.
Find out more about Emil in Me Find Home. Make a difference today --- adopt a dog and gain a friend. :)
Why Man and Animals Aren't Equal
What punishment is great enough for the abhorrence humanity has done to our environment? Perhaps the most proper judgment for our felonies could best be described from the words of the judge in Kiran Desai's novel "The Inheritance of Loss" when his dog, Mutt, got lost:
"We should be dying," the judge almost wept.
When the world fails an animal, any animal, it not only fails beauty and grace but also the creatures responsible for its untimely death. Suffering leads to any form of death and is the worst punishment people could receive for their ignorant behavior towards nature. For every wrong done comes a nasty consequence, and that consequence involves our extinction when nature strikes back in the aftermath of consecutive natural disasters.
It's unfair for these animals to be compared to us. Humanity is probably the only living being on earth full of codswallop, corruption, and intolerable stench (at least the skunk purposely stinks to defend itself). In the aspect of creatures rarely doing harm to anyone, humans and animals aren't equal.
While I was surfing the channels on our cable television, I came across an icebreaker program on Animal Planet about how important it was to care for animals. The problem this "caring for animals" campaign imposes to the typical cynic is....how could we take care of them all?
I think the strategy is to focus on one animal at a given time, wherein organizations either focus on rescuing a particular specie as part of its mission or create short-term projects based on priority.
The latter suits the vision of Greenpeace Southeast Asia, an organization I support here in the Philippines. Many believe this organization is too radical, loquacious and unethical for comfort, but hey, so are the greedy institutions destroying the environment to earn money. If nobody dares oppose such brutal forces willing to sacrifice nature in exchange for economic reform, who would? Greenpeace volunteers and advocates would. That's why I support them.
One could tell the difference between people who care and people who truly care not through the intent but the means of their actions corresponding to the cause; even spreading the word about a certain campaign is already a behavior of someone who truly cared.
I believe HARIBON Foundation and the Philippine Animal Welfare Society (PAWS), two other organizations I passionately support, fall under the former strategy.
There are hundreds of non-profit organizations here in the Philippines, each going through different adversities ---- some for the good, some for the better, and some to protect their personal interests.
We're probably the only species on earth capable to destroy our home planet and destroy the balance of nature without even trying. How could we compare to other beautiful creatures living in harmony with their habitat, and survival being their most natural threat?
We've been filthy, insensitive, and hypocritical beasts at least once in our lives, and generally, we're also stupid enough to destroy our own home perhaps not on purpose, but through ignorance.
Maybe ignorance is bliss, but even bliss does not last, and the time will come when the situation has become so complicated that we couldn't possibly ignore it.
When that time comes, we demand for pity and sympathy; we feel victimized, maimed, and humiliated; innocent lives suffer at the expense of those at fault, both human and animals; and then the usual opening line would be, "I do care but..." and then we see that politics become prioritized over the environment.
Do you call this caring? Do you call this justice? To have other living beings suffer because of our own doing?
The time we use pointing fingers at one another could best be spent resolving our personal issues, reaching out together to those in need, and working together in the name of sustainable development. The only dangerous war we have is not with others but with ourselves.
"A dog! Justice, just listen to yourself. People are being killed. What can I do? Of course I have such high regard....I have time despite worry of being accused of favoritism....but we are in an emergency situation. In Calcutta, in Delhi, there is great concern about this severe deterioration of law and order, and in the end that's what we must think of, isn't it so? Our country. We must suffer inconvenience and I don't need to tell someone of your experience this..." (Inheritance of Loss, p. 319)
"We should be dying," the judge almost wept.
When the world fails an animal, any animal, it not only fails beauty and grace but also the creatures responsible for its untimely death. Suffering leads to any form of death and is the worst punishment people could receive for their ignorant behavior towards nature. For every wrong done comes a nasty consequence, and that consequence involves our extinction when nature strikes back in the aftermath of consecutive natural disasters.
It's unfair for these animals to be compared to us. Humanity is probably the only living being on earth full of codswallop, corruption, and intolerable stench (at least the skunk purposely stinks to defend itself). In the aspect of creatures rarely doing harm to anyone, humans and animals aren't equal.
While I was surfing the channels on our cable television, I came across an icebreaker program on Animal Planet about how important it was to care for animals. The problem this "caring for animals" campaign imposes to the typical cynic is....how could we take care of them all?
I think the strategy is to focus on one animal at a given time, wherein organizations either focus on rescuing a particular specie as part of its mission or create short-term projects based on priority.
The latter suits the vision of Greenpeace Southeast Asia, an organization I support here in the Philippines. Many believe this organization is too radical, loquacious and unethical for comfort, but hey, so are the greedy institutions destroying the environment to earn money. If nobody dares oppose such brutal forces willing to sacrifice nature in exchange for economic reform, who would? Greenpeace volunteers and advocates would. That's why I support them.
One could tell the difference between people who care and people who truly care not through the intent but the means of their actions corresponding to the cause; even spreading the word about a certain campaign is already a behavior of someone who truly cared.
I believe HARIBON Foundation and the Philippine Animal Welfare Society (PAWS), two other organizations I passionately support, fall under the former strategy.
There are hundreds of non-profit organizations here in the Philippines, each going through different adversities ---- some for the good, some for the better, and some to protect their personal interests.
We're probably the only species on earth capable to destroy our home planet and destroy the balance of nature without even trying. How could we compare to other beautiful creatures living in harmony with their habitat, and survival being their most natural threat?
We've been filthy, insensitive, and hypocritical beasts at least once in our lives, and generally, we're also stupid enough to destroy our own home perhaps not on purpose, but through ignorance.
Maybe ignorance is bliss, but even bliss does not last, and the time will come when the situation has become so complicated that we couldn't possibly ignore it.
When that time comes, we demand for pity and sympathy; we feel victimized, maimed, and humiliated; innocent lives suffer at the expense of those at fault, both human and animals; and then the usual opening line would be, "I do care but..." and then we see that politics become prioritized over the environment.
Do you call this caring? Do you call this justice? To have other living beings suffer because of our own doing?
The time we use pointing fingers at one another could best be spent resolving our personal issues, reaching out together to those in need, and working together in the name of sustainable development. The only dangerous war we have is not with others but with ourselves.
"A dog! Justice, just listen to yourself. People are being killed. What can I do? Of course I have such high regard....I have time despite worry of being accused of favoritism....but we are in an emergency situation. In Calcutta, in Delhi, there is great concern about this severe deterioration of law and order, and in the end that's what we must think of, isn't it so? Our country. We must suffer inconvenience and I don't need to tell someone of your experience this..." (Inheritance of Loss, p. 319)
JOURNEY OF OUR LIFE
Posted by lunastark at 02:59 am on March 28th, 2005.
I'd like to share a fable in poetry form that I received in my Friendster account. :D
JOURNEY OF OUR LIFE
A long time ago, there was an Emperor who
told his horseman that if he could ride on his
horse and cover as much land area as he
likes, then the Emperor would give him the area of
land he has covered.
Sure enough, the horseman quickly jumped
onto his horse and rode as fast as possible
to cover as much land area as he could. He
kept on riding and riding, whipping the horse to go
as fast as possible. When he was hungry or
tired, he did not stop because he wanted to
cover as much area as possible.
Came to a point when he had covered a
substantial area and he was exhausted and
was dying. Then he asked himself, "Why did I
push myself so hard to cover so much land
area? Now I am dying and I only need a very
small area to bury myself."
The above story is similar with the journey of
our Life. We push very hard everyday to make
more money, to gain power and recognition.
We neglect our health, time with our family
and to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the
hobbies we love.
One day when we look back, we will realize
that we don't really need that much, but then we
cannot turn back time for what we have missed.
Life is not about making money, acquiring
power or recognition. Life is definitely not
about work! Work is only necessary to keep
us living so as to enjoy the beauty and
pleasures of life. Life is a balance of Work and Play,
Family and Personal time. You have to
decide how you want to balance your Life.
Define your priorities, realize what you are able to
compromise but always let some of your
decisions be based on your instincts.
Happiness is the meaning and the purpose
of Life, the whole aim of human existence.
So, take it easy, do what you want to do and
appreciate nature. Life is fragile, Life is short.
Do not take Life for granted. Live a balanced
lifestyle and enjoy Life!
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Old Post: HONGKONG TRIP - Mongkok Shopping!
April 18th, 2006
Posted by lunastark at 06:55 am on April 18th, 2006.
This is probably one of the most traumatizing experiences in my life. Yes, the place was similar to Divisoria, but I can take on the crowd, haggles, and possible snatchers anytime ! There is one thing to look out for when shopping in Mongkok: PUSHY VENDORS.
I was browsing through the stalls looking for some bargains. I noticed that the merchandise were similar to those found in Divisoria back in the Philippines (with a great price difference, it's more expensive in Mongkok =_=). I wasn't interested with those items so LA, my cousin's cousin, daughter of Tito Rick and Tita Ludy, led us to the inner part of the free market.
After I bought some Hongkong keychains and some cute colored pouches, something caught my eye. It was a really neat hat that I could wear with my civilian get-up! It's the same type of cap I saw back in Glorietta. Being the extrovert that I am, I walked towards the stall and started studying the cap with an excited look on my face (if I had known, someone should have sent me to a facial expression-control seminar....). It seemed like the saleslady sensed that I wanted the hat so she started handing me the calculator. I couldn't remember how many non-verbal gestures I made just to tell the woman that I was still thinking about it...so I blurted out "NO BUY YET! NO BUY YET! THINKING! THINKING! LOOKING! LOOKING!" in broken English just to simplify the language. =_=
I was already exasperated at this point. I was frustrated that the woman couldn't understand me...or refused to understand me since she kept on pulling me back to the stall when I tried to go away. >_< Gawd, her grip was really strong (I should add this to the list about negative sides of dieting....). @_@ When I saw LA, I called her with a cry for help and pleading eyes to boot. Thank goodness she got my message! She went to the rescue and pulled me away from the stall. However, the rude chinese saleslady got my other arm and pulled in the opposite direction! They ended up playing some kind of tug-of-war with me being the rope! When the two of us managed to get away. The woman was calling us "crazy" in Chinese (sheesh, talk about an ego defense mechanism). Our Tito Rick heard it, unfortunately for the woman, since he knew her language (I dunno what kind of chinese language it was...) and charged at the woman. LA hid somewhere while I lingered around the next stall pretending to admire a really fancy bag. At the corner of my eye, I watched our Tito Rick get really angry at the woman (who was already backing away but still muttering---good thing he knew Chinese eh?). This was the very first time I saw him that mad (should this count as one of my firsts? Nah...). @_@
Anyway, we moved on to the end of the stalls discussing what had happened. I was still stunned by the experience but it left me thinking to stay away from chinese vendors in free markets ---as far away as possible ---- unless I'm actually going to buy something from that stall. =_=
Whatta chaos! It ended well though. I loved the experience of free market shopping in Hongkong (except that psycho chinese vendor =_=).
Old Post: A World without Vision
May 4th, 2006
Posted by lunastark at 11:45 pm on May 4th, 2006.
Yesterday, I encountered a flyer about this organization called World Vision. This organization helps send poor children to school through financial donations. A thought struck me. My desire to have a job with good pay became even more evident. I really can't contribute much to these children right now, after all, I'm still a student striving to graduate. However, it's been my vow since high school that I want the less fortunate to have good education AND principles...that's what people need these days: principles with good foundation. Even educated people have bad principles. If I can teach a child how to make his/her life better, I'll be the happiest person in the world.
The organization has a wonderful VMO and someday, I'd like to sponsor a child to school. Of course, I need a job with good pay to be able to support myself and my family as well. Hmmm..say, 50,000+ a month? Hehehehe. Well, I really can't tell if I can get this kind of job yet but I'm determined (at least it's a start).
I recall an incident with a good friend in school. We were approached by a couple of streetkids on our way out of National Bookstore Katipunan. They were really persistent. We really don't have any money left on us so we said we can't give them any. My friend, Max, suddenly blurted out at the kids' back "Tell your parents to use condom for goodness sake."
I burst out laughing at her comment. I proceeded to tell her she was really mean but at the same time, what she said was true. We continued to discuss how and why financially troubled families continue to have kids that they can't feed. I don't blame the children with the poverty they're going through. It's not their responsibility...but the parents'.
Reality says it all. It's just a cycle. Irresponsible parents have children who grow up like them because in the eyes of a child, the parents are role-models. These children will make the same mistakes their parents did and have children who will grow up like them....and it goes and on and on. An exception is when these children become aware of their situation, acknowledges it, takes control and takes responsibility for themselves. One out a hundred of these children become an exception...but that's just a few.
In my lifetime, I'd like these 1/100 become a 2/100 (just to be feasible). Who knows? Maybe it'll grow from there. In terms of community service and sharing my blessings with other people, this is my own world vision ---- especially here in my country.
God gave me a wonderful mind, a healthy body, some really bad life experiences (which helped form my character)...I believe all these are my blessings. Why would God give me these? To use them! To make a difference!
Of course, to fulfill this vision....I have to make a difference in MY life first. I know the rest will follow naturally. That's why I reflect so much. Reflection is a humbling experience.
Old Post: Food For Thought # 1 - Giving Priority
Posted by lunastark at 12:50 pm on May 5th, 2006.
----------------------------------------------------------
GIVING PRIORITY
----------------------------------------------------------
I was reading a chapter of Stephen Covey's book (I think it was in First Things First)...there was this really wonderful lesson about PRIORITIZING.
The story began with a teacher bringing a bottle, some rocks, soil, sand, and water to school. At the end of the class, the teacher told them he had a little experiment for them. With the bottle at the middle of the desk, the teacher placed the huge rocks inside the bottle until it became full up to the rim.
He then asked the class that if he placed soil in the bottle...will it fit? The class said yes. Indeed, the soil slowly filled up the spaces between the rocks.
The teacher continued and asked the class if the sand would still fit in the bottle if he placed all of it in. The class nodded. Ofcourse, the sand was able to fill up even the smaller spaces betweenthe rocks as well.
Then, the teacher asked the class if he could still pour water in the bottle without it overflowing. The class told the teacher it he could. He poured all the water inside the bottle and it was absorbed by the soil and the sand between the spaces.
Finally, the teacher turned to the class and asked, "What is the moral of this story in real life?"
A student raised his hand that no matter how tight the schedule, there will always be time to fit in some more.
The teacher shook his head and pointed out to the student that if he put in the sand, soil, and water first....the huge rocks wouldn't be able to fit in the bottle anymore. He told the class that his litle experiment was actually a lesson in giving priorities to the most important (represented by the huge rocks) aspects of our lives before accomodating the little things.
It was a lesson in prioritizing those that matter in our lives.
In our fast paced society, very few would even bother to organize their schedule in such a way that it would matter in the long run. They are limited to senseless times tables and organizers that would only focus on the small things. For example, will the most expensive of organizers be able to foresee how long your marriage will last? I don't think so. It's how you invest your time to that person that will determine that aspect of your life. It is how you make your priorities straight.
I've had my share of giving priority to the trivial things in life more than what should really matter. Every mistake and wrong decision I made come with bad consequences. I've learned to make it a habit to internalize the lesson I have learned from these mistakes to direct myself to a better life and bring happiness to those that I love. ^_^
"The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice what we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds." - Stephen Covey, the 8th Habit, p. 43
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Sunday, May 13, 2007
Old Post: Is Forgiving Foolish?
May 7th, 2006
Posted by lunastark at 11:55 am on May 7th, 2006.
Forgiveness or Folly? I wanted to post something about forgiveness. Guia-chan and Literatista-san made some *very* interesting comments on my last entry about my childhood bully post. Check it out! ^_^ Their comments had me thinking about one of the most difficult deeds in the world: Forgiveness.
It's *hard*, if not impossible, to forgive someone who betrayed us. Trust can never be taken back as easily as we lost it. As Stephen Covey would put it, trust is one of the strongest foundation of a relationship. It's like an emotional bank account, not just a simple give and take relationship:
"An Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that's been built up in a relationship. It's the feeling of safeness you have with another human being." (Stephen Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, p. 188)
In every bank account, you can do two basic things: Deposit and Withdraw. In an emotional bank account, deposit means treating a person with honesty, dignity, and other such values that enables you to live a full life of integrity....as we as maintain a good relationship with another person (loved ones, for example). You start withdrawing this "deposits" of trust little by little until it has completely depleted.
All of us naturally have our limits, there is no exception. Eventually, the trust we have for another person who has been mistreating us or the trust another person has given us will eventually disintegrate. Dr. Covey made a lot of sense when he pointed this out. In my book, forgiveness is a choice. It comes with consequences, good or bad. Think and consider the consequences.
Whether we forgive or not, that's our choice. I agree with Guia-chan that we don't -forgive- in every circumstances. Look at those battered wives who keep on forgiving and forgiving their abusive husbands but in the end, they are still miserable. Some people would never learn if we keep on forgiving them, right? We should let them see the fact that we won't let them throw our lives around just to make us miserable! I believe that this kind of forgiveness, the kind of selfless forgiving without any consideration to our well-being, is the superficial and mindless kind of forgiveness. It's an escapist attitude. Forgiveness can't be rushed, it's a RESPONSIBLE choice.
We don't just say "Oh! I forgive you!" to another person who has just betrayed us without that betrayal leaving some kind of "after-effect", complex, or doubt inside us! We must deal with ourselves first, before we can truly forgive. Here enters God's TWO GREATEST COMMANDMENTS: LOVE THE SELF AND LOVE OTHERS. One cannot be fulfilled without the other.
You can never truly love others without loving yourself first. When I talk about loving the self, I'm not talking about the conceited "Oh! But I do love myself so much that I feel I'm so superior!" kind of loving. It means knowing yourself, engaging yourself in things that will help you grow to be a better person. You don't have to be perfect. You just need enough self-knowledge. I know it's easier said (or in this case, written) than done...but then again, MOST things are easier said than done. This thought is self-defeating in such a way that we refuse to get out of our comfort zones.
Forgiveness is simply letting go of the past and moving on to a better life. Whether the person who has betrayed you stays in your life or not, forgiveness is possible either way. The real issue lies in yourself...understand yourself...then you can understand where the other is coming from. The important thing is you have carefully weighed your decisions regarding the matter and have analyzed the consequences of your choices. You take control of your life. You take care of yourself. You value your life...the one life that God has given you. You can never change others consciously. They will only change if THEY want to change. If they don't, then you'll end up in a rut if you keep on hoping you can change them coz I tell you, THEY WON'T.
Mahatma Gandhi once said, "WE MUST BECOME THE CHANGE WE WANT IN THE WORLD."
To inspire others, we must become an inspiration through the way we handle our life. We should make a "model" out of ourselves. To change others, we must change ourselves and live honestly, towards ourselves then others. In the same way, to forgive others we must start by forgiving ourselves. By forgiving ourselves, we start taking care of ourselves again.
In a theological aspect, God can be really tricky. We keep on looking for answers from him when in fact, he already gave his answers where we would least expect it: Inside us. The Almighty loves a treasure hunt. Why would he do such a thing? Because he loves us sooo much that he doesn't want to spoil us and turn us into God's bratty little children. He wants us to make a HUGE effort. That's the love of a parent for yah. ^_~
Unfortunately, not all of us are willing to make an effort. We just selflessly forgive and continue making a fool out of ourselves. We become blind to what forgiving really means. Now, why do I say forgiveness is sweeter than revenge. Revenge is a negative feeling. If it stays, it gives us LONG-TERM stress and anxiety. Real forgiveness means letting go of this anxiety and moving on to a better life. It may give us a lot of stress at first but it'll soon pay off. Coming back from betrayal becomes an uplifting rather than a self-defeating experiemce. You grow. You don't have to forget the past, you just don't let it control you anymore. Time will come when you encounter someone from this past, you would no longer feel anxious or stressed. You would know how to handle the situation.
Remember, you also need to be realistic and practical when you make your decisions.
I'm not saying we shouldn't seek revenge...heck, go ahead if you want to! However, let's be realistic. Whether revenge is a success or not, it won't do anything to solve the problem. I KNOW. I can be very vengeful when provoked. (I'm not proud of it but I have to be aware of this negative trait of mine so I can take control.) I confess I take my time before I can forgive someone. But when I do, I know I've truly forgiven that behavior.
Regarding working on my personal issues, I could already see the results....whenever I think of the past, it no longers feel horrible. I become more rational in such a way that I finally understood not only my mother's side...but also why my father committed such a mistake. I understood why he made the wrong choices. I became aware that if I don't watch it, I might make the same mistakes! I don't deny that's possible, but being aware of this possibility made me stronger in keeping convictions. It requires constant unfailing attention (without losing my spontaneity ofcourse ^_~).
The good thing about forgiving my Dad was that I became more enlightened. I was able to let myself transcend the experience to a point where I no longer let it control me. Maybe this is why God wantd us to forgive many times....so we can give ourselves a chance to repair our lives! Jesus was right when he said not to forgive 7 times but 77 times. Given that you truly understand what forgiving means, he was actually implying to give ourselves a chance to repair our lives first and be a good example for others.
Ofcourse this would take a lot of time and investment.
"Remember that quick fix is a mirage. Building and repairing relationships takes time....It's hard not to get impatient. It takes character to be proactive....but there is really NO quick fix. uilding and repairing relationships are long-term investments." (Stephen Covey, 7 Habits, p. 190)
Old Post: A Lot Has Happened!
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Another old "reflection" post back in June 2007, 3 days before my birthday.
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June 27th, 2006
Posted by lunastark at 10:35 pm on June 27th, 2006.
I've gained a handful of loyal friends this year.
I am very proud of Max, she managed to be the top two dean's lister in her batch. She was also proud of what I've gained through my research works. I guess we boost each other's egos when there's a need for it. What I like about her is she's honest with me. If she's got a problem with me, she tells me ASAP. I do the same with her. We accept and work it out. This brought us closer together, tightly knit! We don't have to be together all the time to maintain this special friendship, we just give time for each other when we're free. No hard feelings there.
Also, this vacation, I became intimate with Chepot. She's a good friend and I'm impressed with how strong she is...Love yah girl! Hang out naman tayo minsan!
I also became close with my thesis groupmates. Especially Meann and Julie. Last Monday, Julie and I ate in the fast food area in Gateway for dinner. We talked about a lot of stuff, her life, my life...our thoughts and opinions. It was wonderful. Then she mentioned a certain name from the BS Psychology which brought back bad memories.
There was this girl who's really bossy and narrow-minded. She was dropped by her thesis groupmates after an argument about her personality. Hindi marunong makisama. Other irregulars had the same problem with her.
Unfortunately, a few semesters ago, I had the same problem with that girl. Julie became curious and I told her what happened. That girl started backstabbing me and when I called her via cellphone to ask about the paper we're working on, she picked up the phone and didn't bother to answer. I could hear her giggling in the background.
Afer that incident, I've had it. I decided to confront her whether she liked it or not.
Julie exclaimed: "Naku, mataray pa naman yun!"
I laughed and told Julie, "Wait you have to hear the rest of the story."
I told Julie this: I waited for that girl to come out of the classroom. I walked up towards her, made her face me, looked at her straight in the eye and said in a firm and serious voice.
"Hey, ano bang problema mo ha? Alam kong may sama ng loob ka sa kin, kung ano man yon, sabihin mo sa kin ng diretso. Wag ka na paligoy ligoy, pinapalala mo lang sitwasyon. Paano tayo magtatatrabaho ng mabuti kung hindi mo ko diretsuhin?"
Then I added, "Ako didiretsuhin kita. Hindi ko usto pagbabastos mo sa kin. Kung gusto mo ituloy, bahala ka. Wala na akong magagawa dyan. Pero alamin mo naman paano ihiwalay yan sa trabaho."
She was stumped. I got her cornered. Even her friends were wide-eyed. I have no idea how I looked at her but I stood my ground. She tried picking a fight with me, arguing about how I'm like this and that, but I answered her in a civil way. I knew my mistakes and every time she pointed it out, I admitted they were mistakes. She looked disoriented after she tried arguing with me, haha. I was calm all throughout. One of her friends was even nodding when I told that girl, "Ang importante ngayon ay matapos natin to. Please naman, ano man ang sama ng loob mo sa kin o sama ng loob ko sa yo, itabi na muna yan. Yung sinasabi mo walang kinalaman sa usapan natin ngayon eh."
I really don't mind what kind of reputation I've gained and if that girl thinks I'm a bitch (coz I don't think she is at present --- I think she's just insecure). Thinking someone's a bitch is just useless and I admit, I think of that too and it doesn't help alleviate a situation...for some reason, the rest of her classmates became more respectful towards me.
Julie told me I was probably the first one who confronted that girl in a really direct way. I told Julie I'm not proud of it. It's one of my downsides, and stregths as well. I want to be respected so what I did was also to help put some peace with my own feelings towards the situation.
To be frank, if that girl tried to make peace with me, I would gladly accept. Maybe my perspective would change. I know she's kind one way or another, she wouldn't have friends if she wasn't. ^_^;
Julie gave me a thumbs-up sign in the end and told me I knew a lot. I replied that I don't know more than she does, in general. She laughed and said kakaiba raw ako in a good way. Sabi ko sa kanya "Woot! Sabihin mo weird lang ako."
I've still got a lot to learn and know---it will continue until I die. ^-^
Another old "reflection" post back in June 2007, 3 days before my birthday.
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June 27th, 2006
Posted by lunastark at 10:35 pm on June 27th, 2006.
I've gained a handful of loyal friends this year.
I am very proud of Max, she managed to be the top two dean's lister in her batch. She was also proud of what I've gained through my research works. I guess we boost each other's egos when there's a need for it. What I like about her is she's honest with me. If she's got a problem with me, she tells me ASAP. I do the same with her. We accept and work it out. This brought us closer together, tightly knit! We don't have to be together all the time to maintain this special friendship, we just give time for each other when we're free. No hard feelings there.
Also, this vacation, I became intimate with Chepot. She's a good friend and I'm impressed with how strong she is...Love yah girl! Hang out naman tayo minsan!
I also became close with my thesis groupmates. Especially Meann and Julie. Last Monday, Julie and I ate in the fast food area in Gateway for dinner. We talked about a lot of stuff, her life, my life...our thoughts and opinions. It was wonderful. Then she mentioned a certain name from the BS Psychology which brought back bad memories.
There was this girl who's really bossy and narrow-minded. She was dropped by her thesis groupmates after an argument about her personality. Hindi marunong makisama. Other irregulars had the same problem with her.
Unfortunately, a few semesters ago, I had the same problem with that girl. Julie became curious and I told her what happened. That girl started backstabbing me and when I called her via cellphone to ask about the paper we're working on, she picked up the phone and didn't bother to answer. I could hear her giggling in the background.
Afer that incident, I've had it. I decided to confront her whether she liked it or not.
Julie exclaimed: "Naku, mataray pa naman yun!"
I laughed and told Julie, "Wait you have to hear the rest of the story."
I told Julie this: I waited for that girl to come out of the classroom. I walked up towards her, made her face me, looked at her straight in the eye and said in a firm and serious voice.
"Hey, ano bang problema mo ha? Alam kong may sama ng loob ka sa kin, kung ano man yon, sabihin mo sa kin ng diretso. Wag ka na paligoy ligoy, pinapalala mo lang sitwasyon. Paano tayo magtatatrabaho ng mabuti kung hindi mo ko diretsuhin?"
Then I added, "Ako didiretsuhin kita. Hindi ko usto pagbabastos mo sa kin. Kung gusto mo ituloy, bahala ka. Wala na akong magagawa dyan. Pero alamin mo naman paano ihiwalay yan sa trabaho."
She was stumped. I got her cornered. Even her friends were wide-eyed. I have no idea how I looked at her but I stood my ground. She tried picking a fight with me, arguing about how I'm like this and that, but I answered her in a civil way. I knew my mistakes and every time she pointed it out, I admitted they were mistakes. She looked disoriented after she tried arguing with me, haha. I was calm all throughout. One of her friends was even nodding when I told that girl, "Ang importante ngayon ay matapos natin to. Please naman, ano man ang sama ng loob mo sa kin o sama ng loob ko sa yo, itabi na muna yan. Yung sinasabi mo walang kinalaman sa usapan natin ngayon eh."
I really don't mind what kind of reputation I've gained and if that girl thinks I'm a bitch (coz I don't think she is at present --- I think she's just insecure). Thinking someone's a bitch is just useless and I admit, I think of that too and it doesn't help alleviate a situation...for some reason, the rest of her classmates became more respectful towards me.
Julie told me I was probably the first one who confronted that girl in a really direct way. I told Julie I'm not proud of it. It's one of my downsides, and stregths as well. I want to be respected so what I did was also to help put some peace with my own feelings towards the situation.
To be frank, if that girl tried to make peace with me, I would gladly accept. Maybe my perspective would change. I know she's kind one way or another, she wouldn't have friends if she wasn't. ^_^;
Julie gave me a thumbs-up sign in the end and told me I knew a lot. I replied that I don't know more than she does, in general. She laughed and said kakaiba raw ako in a good way. Sabi ko sa kanya "Woot! Sabihin mo weird lang ako."
I've still got a lot to learn and know---it will continue until I die. ^-^
Old Post: Death of a Loyal Friend
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Here's an old post back in August 2006. It was the day my dog, Whitie, died from old age.
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August 21st, 2006
DEATH OF A LOYAL FRIEND
Posted by lunastark at 10:48 pm on August 21st, 2006.
My dog died early this morning.
I know I shouldn't be crying because it's probably her time.
But I can't stop the tears from falling.
I know death is only natural, and that I'm actually crying for myself since she's no longer around.
But I can't help but be lonely without her.
I know I'll get over it soon.
But I want to think and cry over my friend, even just for today.
I was in a hurry this morning. I planned to visit her tonight. Since I have so much schoolwork, I had less and less time to spend quality time with her.
I never expected that she would die today...
I never even got to say goodbye...
It just happened.
Now I'm feeling the same way I lost my grandfather, though the one I lost forever was my pet. She's like my old friend and baby at the same time.
I was so shocked that I wasn't able to say anything.
Whitie has always been there during those times when I needed her the most. She was the only one who listened to me patiently, who cuddled with me...who comforted me when I feel like crying....and I couldn't turn to anyone else....Whitie took care of me.
But...
I...I...wasn't there during her last breath, when she needed me the most, just because of some school requirement.
I've showed her I love her many times but I never got to show her how much I loved her at the crucial moment....not even one last hug.
I wasn't even there when she died.
It makes me want to hate myself even more. But there's no use doing that....I think she'd probably look me in the eye like she usually did, cuddle my leg and position herself so I could hug her.
People would probably say I could get a new one...it's true...but the memories of my special friend will always be here in my heart.
I'll get over this...I'm only crying because she's no longer with me...so I'm really just crying out of self-pity....so I know, it'll be okay...I wish I had a shoulder to cry on though, no one seems to be around...it's difficult to cry alone in the middle of a public internet cafe where the attendants are already staring at me...Louie doesn't seem to have his cellphone on...Jem's probably at school...Max is probably somewhere doing some projects ...Whitie's gone....WHITIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sniff*
This is my little memento-letter for one of the best friends I've ever had. I'm sorry tis was all I could do Whitie....I love you...my pet, my baby, my friend...Whitie, may you find happiness in doggy heaven. You don't know how much I appreciated those times when you helped me go through a lot of adversities. You were my most loyal friend who stayed by me for 11 years. I'll never forget that day when you were still a puppy and I started fussing over you. Then, my grandfather bought you for me because I wanted you so much...those times you were sick and got me so worried I stayed by you all night...those times I taught you to shake and to dance....that time we wrestled in the sale because you ran around my Lola's sala, when I hug you whenever I cried and you just kept on keeping me company....those good times.... I'M GOING TO MISS YOU!! Good dog, Whitie...good dog.
I just remembered I forgot to eat breakfast. But I'm not hungry....
I'll have her picture scanned one of these days so I could post it here...when I'm feeling happier....I need a friend right now...Where's everbody?
*bursts into tears*
Here's an old post back in August 2006. It was the day my dog, Whitie, died from old age.
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August 21st, 2006
DEATH OF A LOYAL FRIEND
Posted by lunastark at 10:48 pm on August 21st, 2006.
My dog died early this morning.
I know I shouldn't be crying because it's probably her time.
But I can't stop the tears from falling.
I know death is only natural, and that I'm actually crying for myself since she's no longer around.
But I can't help but be lonely without her.
I know I'll get over it soon.
But I want to think and cry over my friend, even just for today.
I was in a hurry this morning. I planned to visit her tonight. Since I have so much schoolwork, I had less and less time to spend quality time with her.
I never expected that she would die today...
I never even got to say goodbye...
It just happened.
Now I'm feeling the same way I lost my grandfather, though the one I lost forever was my pet. She's like my old friend and baby at the same time.
I was so shocked that I wasn't able to say anything.
Whitie has always been there during those times when I needed her the most. She was the only one who listened to me patiently, who cuddled with me...who comforted me when I feel like crying....and I couldn't turn to anyone else....Whitie took care of me.
But...
I...I...wasn't there during her last breath, when she needed me the most, just because of some school requirement.
I've showed her I love her many times but I never got to show her how much I loved her at the crucial moment....not even one last hug.
I wasn't even there when she died.
It makes me want to hate myself even more. But there's no use doing that....I think she'd probably look me in the eye like she usually did, cuddle my leg and position herself so I could hug her.
People would probably say I could get a new one...it's true...but the memories of my special friend will always be here in my heart.
I'll get over this...I'm only crying because she's no longer with me...so I'm really just crying out of self-pity....so I know, it'll be okay...I wish I had a shoulder to cry on though, no one seems to be around...it's difficult to cry alone in the middle of a public internet cafe where the attendants are already staring at me...Louie doesn't seem to have his cellphone on...Jem's probably at school...Max is probably somewhere doing some projects ...Whitie's gone....WHITIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sniff*
This is my little memento-letter for one of the best friends I've ever had. I'm sorry tis was all I could do Whitie....I love you...my pet, my baby, my friend...Whitie, may you find happiness in doggy heaven. You don't know how much I appreciated those times when you helped me go through a lot of adversities. You were my most loyal friend who stayed by me for 11 years. I'll never forget that day when you were still a puppy and I started fussing over you. Then, my grandfather bought you for me because I wanted you so much...those times you were sick and got me so worried I stayed by you all night...those times I taught you to shake and to dance....that time we wrestled in the sale because you ran around my Lola's sala, when I hug you whenever I cried and you just kept on keeping me company....those good times.... I'M GOING TO MISS YOU!! Good dog, Whitie...good dog.
I just remembered I forgot to eat breakfast. But I'm not hungry....
I'll have her picture scanned one of these days so I could post it here...when I'm feeling happier....I need a friend right now...Where's everbody?
*bursts into tears*
Love Yourself as a Woman, Woman!
I've decided to copy selected entries from my main blog and transfer a few of them here in my all-new blogger account. So any entry with the label "old post" means it's been copied from my old journal.
Help yourselves, people.
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Love Yourself for Yourself, Woman!
I've been browsing around for articles about Mother Teresa. I don't know. I just felt like it because I want to remind myself of the important perspective on women... and share it to whoever's reading it (despite disagreements):
God told us, "Love your neighbor as yourself." So first I am to love myself rightly, and then to love my neighbor like that. But how can I love myself unless I accept myself as God has made me? Those who deny the beautiful differences between men and women are not accepting themselves as God has made them, and so cannot love the neighbor. They will only bring division, unhappiness, and destruction of peace to the world. (Mother Teresa, Snippet of Message to Fourth UN Women's Conference)
I remember mentioning to my boyfriend "Iba kasi treatment sa aming mga babae eh. Alam mo na, sobrang daming biases at expectations na dapat ganito kami...ganyan kami. Daming critics. Pati kapwa babae nanghuhusga na ng kapwa babae. Ang hirap talaga. Nakakainis." I think my little speech was an end in itself. It won't help me improve as a woman at all. I believe my heart was trying to tell me while that little speech spilled from my mouth: "So what?"
I think I've done my part in accepting the dfferences between men and women....what i need to do now is step two: to love these differences.
I am unique. You are unique. We are all unique. I love myself. You should love yourself. We should love ourselves for who we are. IF you don't, then start doing it now. The problem with "impossible dreams" is that it remains a dream...we never start making it come true.
I have always been babbling about physical judgement of other people. I don't look anything like the actresses in television. I am beautiful as I am. They are beautiful as they are. Society may have the power to dictate which people look more beautiful than others...and it can only tap our feelings towards our own beauty but can never control it. If we love ourselves for how we look, we can still feel beautiful...and thus, be beautiful.
Take for example, these women wanting to change themselves in plastic surgery to feel better about themselves. These women may find themselves physically beautiful...but are they truly, really happy? They may say they are happy...but why are they happy? Because they finally feel sexy? That others pay attention to them? As long as they live principle-centered lives, live acording to their values, love their selves AND love others...only then can plastic surgery be morally helpful to these women. Impossible? Nah.
I believe these women still have the potential to truly love themselves.
They just need to make that crucial choice of looking beyond their physique.
I am not against plastic surgery. If it may help them, then maybe it's for their own good....but they should know that changes will happen inside of them once they do. They should not feel better about themselves just because they look better. They should watch out that feeling better about themselves in that way is superficial. It is only temporary. Sooner or later, the inner life after surgery will come in...they should be ready for that.
I have never gone to surgery...but I've been thinking about getting rid of my eyebags. My reason? To prevent others from judging me rashly because of them; it's annoying. As early as now, I am preparing emotionally...I am still considering. Ah well, who knows what I'll decide in ten years or so?
As for now...I believe my answer lies in this quote:
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, People may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, They may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway. (Mother Teresa )
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it. (Mother Teresa of Calcutta)
If want to do this...I should just do it.
Thus, I am cutting this blog entry short.
May all of you be happy. God loves you. We just need to look beyond the silence.
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Help yourselves, people.
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Love Yourself for Yourself, Woman!
I've been browsing around for articles about Mother Teresa. I don't know. I just felt like it because I want to remind myself of the important perspective on women... and share it to whoever's reading it (despite disagreements):
God told us, "Love your neighbor as yourself." So first I am to love myself rightly, and then to love my neighbor like that. But how can I love myself unless I accept myself as God has made me? Those who deny the beautiful differences between men and women are not accepting themselves as God has made them, and so cannot love the neighbor. They will only bring division, unhappiness, and destruction of peace to the world. (Mother Teresa, Snippet of Message to Fourth UN Women's Conference)
I remember mentioning to my boyfriend "Iba kasi treatment sa aming mga babae eh. Alam mo na, sobrang daming biases at expectations na dapat ganito kami...ganyan kami. Daming critics. Pati kapwa babae nanghuhusga na ng kapwa babae. Ang hirap talaga. Nakakainis." I think my little speech was an end in itself. It won't help me improve as a woman at all. I believe my heart was trying to tell me while that little speech spilled from my mouth: "So what?"
I think I've done my part in accepting the dfferences between men and women....what i need to do now is step two: to love these differences.
I am unique. You are unique. We are all unique. I love myself. You should love yourself. We should love ourselves for who we are. IF you don't, then start doing it now. The problem with "impossible dreams" is that it remains a dream...we never start making it come true.
I have always been babbling about physical judgement of other people. I don't look anything like the actresses in television. I am beautiful as I am. They are beautiful as they are. Society may have the power to dictate which people look more beautiful than others...and it can only tap our feelings towards our own beauty but can never control it. If we love ourselves for how we look, we can still feel beautiful...and thus, be beautiful.
Take for example, these women wanting to change themselves in plastic surgery to feel better about themselves. These women may find themselves physically beautiful...but are they truly, really happy? They may say they are happy...but why are they happy? Because they finally feel sexy? That others pay attention to them? As long as they live principle-centered lives, live acording to their values, love their selves AND love others...only then can plastic surgery be morally helpful to these women. Impossible? Nah.
I believe these women still have the potential to truly love themselves.
They just need to make that crucial choice of looking beyond their physique.
I am not against plastic surgery. If it may help them, then maybe it's for their own good....but they should know that changes will happen inside of them once they do. They should not feel better about themselves just because they look better. They should watch out that feeling better about themselves in that way is superficial. It is only temporary. Sooner or later, the inner life after surgery will come in...they should be ready for that.
I have never gone to surgery...but I've been thinking about getting rid of my eyebags. My reason? To prevent others from judging me rashly because of them; it's annoying. As early as now, I am preparing emotionally...I am still considering. Ah well, who knows what I'll decide in ten years or so?
As for now...I believe my answer lies in this quote:
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, People may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, They may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway. (Mother Teresa )
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it. (Mother Teresa of Calcutta)
If want to do this...I should just do it.
Thus, I am cutting this blog entry short.
May all of you be happy. God loves you. We just need to look beyond the silence.
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Ryoga Gene and Satanic Bible
If you watch Ranma 1/2, you'll know what I mean by the Ryoga Gene.Losing my sense of direction once is my body's way of saying, "You need a nap, meathead!" But getting lost twice in a row must be the work of a gene that sprung to life somewhere in my particular strand of DNA.
Last Thursday, I decided to try another route bounded for home. I walked all the way to SM Megamall and looked for an FX headed for Fairview. I got seated beside a woman who resembled someone I used to hate passionately (better you not know the rest of the story), and to make matters worse, she was munching on french fries. What's so bad about that? I was hungry. She had food. I only had change enough to get me home, and I didn't bring enough money to buy myself some snacks. To get my mind off her french fries and also my way of ignoring the driver, who was relentlessy flirting with the rest of the female passengers, I brought out a book and concentrated on reading. The only time I put it down was when a guy started collecting the fare. Before giving my payment, I asked him loud and clear, "Is this FX going to pass Philcoa? (Dadaan po ba ito ng Philcoa?)" The guy nodded, and if I knew then what I knew now, I would've smashed the book I was reading on his face. For experienced commuters, you should have realized by now that the FX for Fairview stationed at the SM Megamall terminal does NOT pass Philcoa but heads straight to Katipunan, Commonwealth, then SM Fairview where most passengers get off. After the mishap, I vowed to be more careful when choosing a ride. The next morning, I went to Philcoa and headed for the area where all the FX going to Ortigas Center were. This time I asked the barker twice, "Is the FX going to Ortigas? (Pupunta pong Ortigas?)" He answered, "Ayala Ayala Ayala...." "Ortigas?" I asked again, trying to hide my impatience. "Dito po." He said and pushed me towards a van. As it turned out that van was headed for Ayala. I thought it would also pass Ortigas, because I did ask the barker if it's going there and he guided me to that particular vehicle. It was only when the van zoomed past Megamall along EDSA that I realized I was misled --- AGAIN.
As much as I want to eternally hate the barkers for failing to comprehend such simple words, or better yet accuse them of drug usage or being drunk on the job, I couldn't help but think if I had lost my sense of direction after all. It was pretty stupid. Who the heck would get lost twice in a row? Or perhaps I was being too hard on myself? Whatever the reason was, it didn't stop me from experimenting on a new homeward bound route yet again. This time I took the FX headed towards SM North Edsa.
From there, after a brief phone call with my hunny, I rode another FX that passed by Housing. Waiting for other passengers turned out to be annoying, not with the art of waiting itself, but because the guy seated beside me made an annoying "clucking" sound to convey his impatience to the driver. To distract myself from stuffing my P1500 corporate shoes in his mouth, I took out a newly purchased book which I finally got my hands on after a long, tedious search. I purposely leaned back on the seat, relaxed, and brought up the book head level, not caring if anybody saw the title in its contoured white font splashed in a sea of black on the cover.
It's not everyday you see a seemingly innocent-looking girl reading "The Satanic Bible" in public where everyone can see. Especially in a public where majority of the population is comprised of Christians and Catholics. On the back cover was a picture of the author posed before a symbol that made him look like our idea of the devil. Not surprisingly, the book caught the annoying guy's attention. He lowered his head to get a good view of the cover. I wasn't expecting it but for some reason, the clucking sound ceased. (Yay!) I also noticed that the guy behind me, who was staring at me earlier to the point of making me feel significantly uncomfortable, suddenly looked nervous. Who would've guessed such a small inanimate object, comprised merely of the text associated with Satan, could affect people so much? (I'm a former agnostic baptized as a Roman Catholic whose faith in God returned with the help of Christians. That explains why I'm eclectic. I don't consider myself a fundamentalist believer in any way. I have my own personal idea of God.)
Although my beloved hunny (who bought me the book, also because he was interested in the black book) told me to wrap the covers so my family won't find out about it, I was actually playing with the idea on purposely showing my family that I was reading such an eccentric book. If you want to know where I got the book, look for it yourself. No way I'll reveal my source where anybody can see, including the dumb ones. I think I've read enough to know it's not meant for idiots who: 1) aren't truly grounded on their beliefs; 2) possess AT MOST average critical thinking skills; 3) high emotional instability that may lead to a nervous breakdown or fierce debate with the author of the book who happened to have left the mortal realm long ago.
Since this blog is on the internet, there will always be idiots that may want to read the Satanic Bible but aren't strong enough to handle the contents, and when I say strong, I mean people who are either too emotional or too easily swayed by the text. I don't have any specific person in mind, but I do have specific characteristics as listed above. Any kind of aggressive objection to this entry is proof of one's guilt.
I can give carefully selected quotes that I think are quite sensible, but I definitely won't write down the rest. Here's an example of a sensible quote from the Satanic Bible:
"Love is one of the most intense emotions felt by man; another is hate. Forcing yourself to feel indiscriminate love is very unnatural. If you try to love everyone you only lessen your feelings for those who deserve your love. Repressed hatred can lead to many physical and emotional ailments. By learning to release your hatred towards those who deserve it, you cleanse yourself of these malignant emotions and need not take your pent-up hatred on your loved ones."
(Book of Lucifer, The Enlightenment)
There's a psychological explanation that confirms this. Most people with pent up feelings are more likely to destroy themselves emotionally than those who are known to release their hatred towards someone, provided that the feelings of hatred are indeed present. There is also longitudinal study conducted by social psychologists that revealed men who kept a few circle of friends were significantly happier, have more successful marriages, more emotionally secure, and are less likely to commit infidelity compared to those who tend to befriend everyone. It gets more complicated than that, but you get what I mean.
If you really want to know where I got the black book, and you know me personally, and we've been friends for years, and I know you can withstand it, count on it that I'll tell you. Hehehe. Well anyway, my copy of "Satan's bible" is with my hunny.
I'm still finishing Ghosts from the Nursery: Tracing the Root of Violence so I really don't have time to read it. I'll take it back when I'm ready to...write that certain something.
Oh! Before I forget, any kind of unwanted preaching in the comments page will automatically be deleted.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
CLOSE CALL
Imagine trodding along the sidewalk, bag safely tucked in your right arm. Your destination: the 24-hour Ministop a few houses away. Then an unfamiliar, forest green car pulls over on the other side of the road. The window rolls down and reveals a chinky-eyed, middle-aged man calling, "Miss! Miss!"
Of course, curious about this man's motives and despite the fact that this man was a complete stranger to you, you halt and turn around politely. Thinking the man needed directions, you answer. "Yes?"
You see his hand faced up towards the sky, reaching for you. Four extended fingers folds inward; he repeats the gesture over and over as if telling you to come near. Confused, you ask again.
"Yes, what do you want?"
A band of white light reflects from his glasses, moving the way you see in stainless housewares.
"Where are you going?" he grins.
You instantly become suspicious. What was this man's motive? And if he was indeed planning something evil, what kind of tactless question was that?
"Why?" you ask, throwing him a confused look in hopes of leading him on.
If this man was the kind you thought he was, it won't hurt to gather information. You remember from your stored knowledge acquired from crime documentaries that to prevent this man from doing any harm from others, this was the next best thing to do (walking away being the best option) in order to aid investigators.
He says something, but you can't hear.
"What? I can't hear you," you repeat.
You bring up a free hand to shield your eyes from the sun in order to get a better look at the man. You focus on his face, memorizing every detail. Whoever this stranger was, you start thinking that he victimized the wrong girl. You happen to be one of those people who have a better photographic memory when it comes to faces.
Tanned skin, chinky-eyed, looked to be around his thirties, and wearing a royal blue long-sleeved polo. Half his arm slung lazily through the window, this time coiling his hand to point at the passenger seat.
"I'll take you there. Wherever you're going," he insists.
Your heart stops. Your mind races. Who would be insane enough to offer a lady, who was wearing her house slippers to boot, a ride in broad daylight without being mistaken for a hoodlum? Why would this stranger suddenly offer a ride to another stranger out of nowhere? And more importantly, why would he offer you a ride, of all people, when he could've offered rides to others walking along the sidewalk? Are you a target of his malicious intent, or are you just thinking too much? Despite the possibility that this seemingly perverted gentleman simply felt altruistic, the situation appears more like an open invitation to being a victim of kidnap, rape, or even murder.
If you were this woman, what would YOU do?
Something smells fishy, and whoever he was, I'm not fooled by his glossy scales.
I was in this exact situation weeks ago, before I started my practicum in Ortigas Center. As soon as the car roared away, I took out a pen and paper which I usually keep inside my bag being saved for such cases (or perhaps, other purposes). I wrote down the license plate (UUE-604), the time it took place, where the encounter took place, and all other necessary information. Later that afternoon, I directly approached our barangay chairman and requested for a blather. I guess all those years I've indulged in crime and survival documentaries paid off.
Some may think I am such a nasty woman to turn down such a sweet "gentleman", but hey, it's better to be safe than sorry. You'll never know what you'll get from sweet talkers. Sometimes, it's just a form of seduction to lure you into their dangerous grasp.
Being brought up in a family who taught me well enough to stay away from strangers who I believe are up to no good and living under a government where I don't trust the officials (most especially the Head of the Department of Justice) proved to be very useful for me, so I'm sticking to protecting myself from any possible harm.
So girls, be careful. No matter how well-armed you are or how untouchable you think you are, these things are not meant be ignored. You will always be female (unless you went through sex change) and thus, susceptible to crimes used to lure females into submission.
I don't even want to think about the outcome if I accepted his offer. Never have, never will.
Of course, curious about this man's motives and despite the fact that this man was a complete stranger to you, you halt and turn around politely. Thinking the man needed directions, you answer. "Yes?"
You see his hand faced up towards the sky, reaching for you. Four extended fingers folds inward; he repeats the gesture over and over as if telling you to come near. Confused, you ask again.
"Yes, what do you want?"
A band of white light reflects from his glasses, moving the way you see in stainless housewares.
"Where are you going?" he grins.
You instantly become suspicious. What was this man's motive? And if he was indeed planning something evil, what kind of tactless question was that?
"Why?" you ask, throwing him a confused look in hopes of leading him on.
If this man was the kind you thought he was, it won't hurt to gather information. You remember from your stored knowledge acquired from crime documentaries that to prevent this man from doing any harm from others, this was the next best thing to do (walking away being the best option) in order to aid investigators.
He says something, but you can't hear.
"What? I can't hear you," you repeat.
You bring up a free hand to shield your eyes from the sun in order to get a better look at the man. You focus on his face, memorizing every detail. Whoever this stranger was, you start thinking that he victimized the wrong girl. You happen to be one of those people who have a better photographic memory when it comes to faces.
Tanned skin, chinky-eyed, looked to be around his thirties, and wearing a royal blue long-sleeved polo. Half his arm slung lazily through the window, this time coiling his hand to point at the passenger seat.
"I'll take you there. Wherever you're going," he insists.
Your heart stops. Your mind races. Who would be insane enough to offer a lady, who was wearing her house slippers to boot, a ride in broad daylight without being mistaken for a hoodlum? Why would this stranger suddenly offer a ride to another stranger out of nowhere? And more importantly, why would he offer you a ride, of all people, when he could've offered rides to others walking along the sidewalk? Are you a target of his malicious intent, or are you just thinking too much? Despite the possibility that this seemingly perverted gentleman simply felt altruistic, the situation appears more like an open invitation to being a victim of kidnap, rape, or even murder.
If you were this woman, what would YOU do?
Something smells fishy, and whoever he was, I'm not fooled by his glossy scales.
I was in this exact situation weeks ago, before I started my practicum in Ortigas Center. As soon as the car roared away, I took out a pen and paper which I usually keep inside my bag being saved for such cases (or perhaps, other purposes). I wrote down the license plate (UUE-604), the time it took place, where the encounter took place, and all other necessary information. Later that afternoon, I directly approached our barangay chairman and requested for a blather. I guess all those years I've indulged in crime and survival documentaries paid off.
Some may think I am such a nasty woman to turn down such a sweet "gentleman", but hey, it's better to be safe than sorry. You'll never know what you'll get from sweet talkers. Sometimes, it's just a form of seduction to lure you into their dangerous grasp.
Being brought up in a family who taught me well enough to stay away from strangers who I believe are up to no good and living under a government where I don't trust the officials (most especially the Head of the Department of Justice) proved to be very useful for me, so I'm sticking to protecting myself from any possible harm.
So girls, be careful. No matter how well-armed you are or how untouchable you think you are, these things are not meant be ignored. You will always be female (unless you went through sex change) and thus, susceptible to crimes used to lure females into submission.
I don't even want to think about the outcome if I accepted his offer. Never have, never will.
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