Assholes Can't Get Any Worse

9:00 am.

I was half-dazed, slowly coming out of dreamland, when my peaceful wakefulness was disturbed by the sound of the telephone going ballistic on the other side of my bedroom door. No normal person would have known the phone was meant for them; but since the genetic composition of my brain isn't exactly normal, the strings of foresight tugged on my snoozing psyche.

The phone was for me.

Being too lazy to get out of bed, I flung my blanket aside and rolled until my whole body faced the ceiling; all this with my eyes still closed. I wanted to sleep some more. Just give me 5 more minutes....

The ringing stopped.

"ATEEEEEEEEE! PHOOOOOOOOOOONE!"

My brother hollered and mashed on my door. "SI SEEEEEEEEEEID!!!"

The mention of his name jump-started my system, although my vision and motor skills seemed to be taking their time to function. I staggered and reached for the doorknob, turning it clumsily the way a drunk person would. I jerked it open and walked slowly towards the phone in zigzags.

"Hello?" I yawned.

"Hi Baby..." I could hear his voice from the other line. Smiling to myself, I couldn't help but think how much I loved hearing it every morning. He asked if I was still sleepy, because he'd let me sleep first.

It was then I noticed the emptiness in his tone.

All these years we've been together, I've become more talented in sensing my hunny's feelings just by the way he spoke. This morning it was sullen, as if the the usual fire had gone out.

Something was definitely wrong.

"No, I'm fine," I said firmly, vigorously battling the sleep off my eyes. My girlfriend sensors were going off. "Okay. Tell me, hun. What's wrong?"

And so he vented out.

As I listened to his story, I felt the hatred rise up my throat. I've known he was temporarily promoted as floor lead where he worked; and last night, he decided to do something about the lazy dipshits in the office. So he, along with some team managers, held a meeting about the performance of these office delinquents.

My hunny brought up the issue about a certain dickhead dumbass lazy employee who refused to make himself useful inside the office while the rest of the team worked their asses off to earn a living.

I have nothing against people of age in the office; in fact, I respect them as I see fit depending on the corporate hierarchy. But at the age of 39, I would have expected him to act accordingly and be more mature than to threaten my hunny with, "Kung hindi mo ayusin itong problema ko dahil nilaglag mo ko, bubugbugin kita. Hihintayin kita sa baba." (If you don't fix my problem because you tattletaled on me, I'll wait for you downstairs. I'll beat the crap out of you.)

Since this guy looked what would have been the offspring of an accumulated dung pile and fat bastard from Austin Powers, my hunny won't stand a chance if that shithead maladaptive individual ever does resort to physical violence.

I would have guessed by now Mr. Dick Fat Bastard's old enough to solve his own problems, but I guess he wouldn't be at the bottom of the corporate ladder if he knew how.

Real mature, you poor son of a bitch.

Sure I have no idea what kind of person this motherfucker man really is or how fucked up his life is. Sure his reacting that way may have been motivated by his desire to hide his insecurities and lack of self-esteem. Sure him threatening my hunny is a common situation permanently unresolved because majority of the population are malignant cowards. But work is work; if he refuses to get his ass moving on the job, he deserves to be an object of pity.

I could see it now.

"80-YEAR OLD DIPSHIT FOUND DEAD SLEEPING IN OFFICE"

He'll be the talk of the company, the center of attention, the belle of the ball; a few weeks later, people would forget he ever existed. The HR Department would have to live with the guilt of ever accepting him. His batch would have resigned by then and moved on to further their career, and the new employees would utter in confusion, "80-year old dipshit who?" Sad. Very sad.

Hearing my hunny release his emotions and frustration over the phone was heart-breaking, seeing as I could only console him all the way from the other side of the city. I wanted to give him a comforting embrace, an empathic smile and tell him no matter what happens, I'll be there for him.

Minutes later, when he had vented out everything, his chuckle alleviated the heaviness boggling inside me.

I was relieved and worried at the same time. I've always been protective of my loved ones, and this very characteristic strengthened my immunity to physical and emotional pain. What would happen? Would Mr. Dick Fat Bastard actually beat the pants off my hunny? ("I want to start body-building. I want to be strong" my hun said.)

The sinister thoughts began, and in a few minutes of assessing the situation, I've plotted two types of contrivance: one to deal with the consequences and the other to make him suffer a little. Say for example, researching on his love-life history, recording his perverted statements on media standards women, gather evidence on him flirting with an officemate or surfing for porn during office hours, and then sending a certain anonymous package to his wife. (No hard feelings, buddy. Think of it as an early exchange gift; let it be Christmas everyday as they say.)

Nobody has the right to make my hunny burst like that except me and a flock of onions.

The latter plan resorting to vengeance is being put on hold though, because as of the moment I trust my hunny's abilities to resolve the situation on his own. (Besides, who knows? I'd rather not act by impulse.) My hun just needed someone to listen, someone to tell him he's not alone, and of course, someone who would suggest what he could do.

In a crude effort to scare my hunny, the fucktard wise guy even warned my hunny:

"Hindi mo alam ano kaya ko." (You don't know what I'm capable of.)

Surprise surprise! Guess what, dumbass. I think you and I know what you're capable of, and that's being a first class asshole. I don't think it can get any worse than that. :P

I said bitterly to my hun that the guy must have been a fucking idiot.

"No. He's very intelligent according to my boss. He just doesn't try to achieve what he's really capable of," my hunny replied, trying to be objective. I was in no mood to be objective, the same way Scrooge Mcduck would feel giving money away to charities --- so I did the opposite.

"If that mummy's so smart, what's he doing there in an unstable job at his age? At least you guys could use the experience, but him? I don't think so. But if you're talking about his intelligence of being a first-rate asshole, then I agree with you."

I'd understand if a self-proclaimed failure or lazy bum fails; but when an intelligent braggart fails, lacking the ambition God gave a parasite, that's just sad. I like to joke that God was so busy molding him a perfect brain, he forgot to give him the basic ability to use it. This guy actually being capable of something is no more ridiculous than money growing on trees.

Anyway...

Bullies will always be there, and will continue to exist, all the way to your grave. It's your choice whether to fight (in whatever ways you please, including stooping to his/her level) or take flight. I encouraged my hunny to fight by dealing with the problem as effectively as he could, remaining grounded on his beliefs, and doing what he believes would be best for the company.